My girlfriend thinks Barack Obama is the resurrected Christ.
...but then, she has always had a better head for politics than me.
I am notorious for assigning people in my life various roles based in Ancient Rome. [Think of the cinematic fiasco that is Gladiator]
Were we in Rome, she would certainly fall into a political role [think Senator Gracchus] and while I often dream of being the infamous Roman general turned gladiator, Maximus Decimus Meridius, ["Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next"] I would most likely be associated with the sniveling sociopathic emperor, Commodus; backstabbing his way to affection, fulfilling the people's savage lust for blood, and prancing around in designer tights.
...or maybe I would be a harpist/poet.
Actually, I would probably be a modern day Caligula. [google that shit]
Point is, She doesn't make a decision without educating herself at least to a degree where she can provide tangible reasons as to why she made her decision and I respect her for that. I on the other hand would vote for Obama because I am fond of his tailored slim-fit suits and stylish ties [a man's thinness is his greatest fashion accessory].
But I digress. Now that I have proven myself to be quite the flaming ignoramus, let us return to my original point which was, my girlfriend thinks Obama is the risen Jesus de la Christ.
Since there is no empirical evidence that he is not the zombie spawn of George Burns, I am forced to acknowledge the possibility that he is indeed the Prince of Peace and therefore worthy of my praise and adoration. Though I would have gladly given these to him based on his fantabulous dancing abilities alone [as seen on Ellen], it certainly helps sway my vote knowing there is a slight chance I am voting for the creator and taker of my existence and ultimate decider of my fate.
See, the beautiful thing about truth is, anything can be true until it is proven false. And then it's only false until someone better equipped proves it true again. Thus is life. Truth is and always will be relative. It will always be based on what we think we have proven based on our limited examinations, tests and understanding.
Gravity is only a law because we have forgotten how to fly.
So aside from Obama's
1] exceptional views on corporate governance,
2] his superb outlook on education and the need to compensate teachers instead of shooting our rockets off into space
3] his excellent though perhaps misunderstood foreign affairs policy to expose the truth while maintaining a strong military
4] his balanced position on capital punishment, abortion and stem-cell research
5] his persistent drive to develop new energy policies that decrease our dependence on oil
6] his giant testicles that enable him to run for president despite the need for a full squad of secret servicemen [Even Colin Powell refrained from running because he feared for his life]
7] and his overall refusal to back down from his values in favor of popular opinion
...we should strongly consider the possibility [quickly turning into fact] that Senator Barack Obama is the Glorious Mediator of the New Covenant, the Stone that the builders rejected [but that we should accept], the Chief Cornerstone, the First and the Last, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Only begotten Son and Word of God...
Jesus H. Christ.
So my girlfriend thinks Barack Obama is Jesus. Who am I to say she is wrong? The way I see it, my only options are a liberal African American reincarnation of a hippie rebel Jew or a 72 year old liver spotted geriatric patient with a flappy bull-dog jaw and a thinning combover.
[the frumpy pseudo lesbian with the Velcro vagina is not worthy of my consideration...but Go Woman Suffrage! Woot!]
I realize that my claims here are outrageous, scientifically inaccurate, perhaps even ignorant and lacking reason, logic or evidence, [even if we could fly, it would simply be defying the law] but if I don't make irrational statements, then some other yokel with a blog will.
If not me, than who?
Vote for Obama and find life everlasting.
4 comments:
i once was blind but now i see.
I think the main argument against Obama as President would be that he didn't really accomplish much as a senator. But I think he's a good person and would make good choices if put in a position to do so.
I think the main argument against Obama as Lord and Savior would be his lack of miracles. 40 years ago being a serious presidential candidate might have qualified, but I like to think we're more open minded now.
By the way, the real Commodus fought many times in the arena and was eventually asassinated in a bath by a gladiator hired political rivals. I always thought that was how the movie should have ended - Commodus lives, Djimon Honsou kills him in the bath before heading home to Africa...
creepy...i always thought anti-christ, and now i know for sure. thanks for confirming that. lol j/k
This is why we live in a democracy where they don't go by the popular vote. People just vote for who they think will be the next connection to god to lead us in Holy War.
HAHAHA.. Oh you should bring your Guitar and singing voice to our wedding you can Jam out with Matt H. and stuff. It will add to the great fun of it all.
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