the rolling conditions of man are not without consequence
he breathes and becomes indebted to the air he breathes
to be free of this debt, he must cease to exist
and so he must realize he is never truly free
I am never truly free
a red alert sounds
somewhere on the curving plane of my head
somewhere inside that cannot be seen
grey matter sloshing about with translucent intestine
spongy organs behind chalky bone
chemical reactions and spiritual contractions
a red alert bangs and buzzes
like a holy alarm on Zion's mount
this is a calling
this is God calling, will you accept the long-distance charges?
"gawd?"
No, God, your creator
"put him...her...it... through"
connecting
"hello? gawd? this is me, is that you?"
...this is me, is that you? this is me is that you? this is me, is that you? is that you? is that you? you? you...
wrong number.
wrong calling.
why does man insist on thinking he can connect me to gawd?
the rolling significance of man is not without meaning
he is born and becomes a product of his birth
to be given free will without choice is not free will
we are automatons
self-operating always
but we can't reproduce our origin
i have no origin
a red alert resounds
somewhere hidden secretly
somewhere within that cannot be known
mirror mask images of self-projected perceptions
shadowy dreams hovering above silent waters
the beginning before the beginning
a red alert burns and blazes
like a holy spirit on the mezzanine earth
this is salvation
this is salvation's army, will you join the bleating ranks?
"bleeding?"
No, bleating, loudly, unashamed
"i'll need time to think"
you could die tomorrow
"would that be so bad?"
are you prepared to meet your maker?
"id say its about time..."
the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.
fear of god?
fear brings salvation?
the fear of god is the beginning of fear.
god is not welcome here.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
pouf
While shopping for toiletries recently at my local, friendly, neighborhood Safeway Grocery Store, I decided to purchase a new bath pouf; the infamous scrunchy, mesh sponge that has drawn the attention of women, gay men and curious perverts [such as myself] within the last ten years.
I admit, when I first heard that they were called 'bath poufs' I contemplated cutting off my wiener in shame and setting myself on fire. But as the metrosexual movement infiltrated society, I became more comfortable with the idea of rubbing a 'pouf' on my naked body.
Sometimes, I pretend it's a cheese 'pouf' and say "mmmmm" while I'm gently scrubbing and exfoliating my skin. Other times I pretend I'm Houdini and tuck myself between my legs and say "Pouf!" and then - well, ahem, I digress.
As I was saying, I gathered up my short shopping list of items and impulsively decided that I needed a new pouf. One would think that such a contraption, because it is a contraption by the way, would be situated near or within the proximity of bath and shower items such as soap, lotions, razors, inflatable dolls, and shampoos.
A normal person, the average consumer, with a run-of-the-mill IQ and the ability to think cognitively, would most likely deduce that upon entering a retail grocery store, where items are generally organized in similar groups, a bath pouf is going to be placed amongst 'bath' items - that is - you would not search amongst the pickles for a pouf. You would not ask the friendly florist for a a fresh pouf. And you would certainly never approach the meat department and ask for a pouf from the butcher. These types of actions would only provide you with pickled poufs, confused looks, and/or death by butcher knife.
Apparently, Safeway does not believe the average consumer is just average.
Safeway, at least, the Safeway located 3 blocks away from my residence, believes their shoppers are psychic detectives living vicariosuly in the shadow of Indiana Jones, with a sharp bloodlust for endless searches. Either that or they have hired the most exquisite marketing team the world has ever known to strategically place their poufs in the most mind-numbingly difficult to find location possible.
I scrambled from aisle to aisle, searching high and low for the elusive pouf and just as I was about to give up [because no man should ask for help finding his pouf] I saw in the distance, on the far side of the shopping lane, barely within view, a small tuft of meshed plastic, dangling like hope from a side-cap metal frame.
I practically sprinted to my goal and when I arrived, I stopped dead in my tracks and stared long and hard at the most absurdly wonderful product placement in the known universe....
I suppose it could make sense. I mean, I can't tell you how many times I have been showering, giving myself a little taint-exfoliation action, "mmmmmmm" and all of a sudden I'm like, "holy shit, I could really go for a nice, long bout of protected sexual intercourse right now...and maybe a mouthful of Mayo! I need to go to the store!"
Fucking Safeway.
Amazing.
Post Script: Anyone ever try the 'Twisters'?
Post Script Script: Anyone ever try the Mayo?
I admit, when I first heard that they were called 'bath poufs' I contemplated cutting off my wiener in shame and setting myself on fire. But as the metrosexual movement infiltrated society, I became more comfortable with the idea of rubbing a 'pouf' on my naked body.
Sometimes, I pretend it's a cheese 'pouf' and say "mmmmm" while I'm gently scrubbing and exfoliating my skin. Other times I pretend I'm Houdini and tuck myself between my legs and say "Pouf!" and then - well, ahem, I digress.
As I was saying, I gathered up my short shopping list of items and impulsively decided that I needed a new pouf. One would think that such a contraption, because it is a contraption by the way, would be situated near or within the proximity of bath and shower items such as soap, lotions, razors, inflatable dolls, and shampoos.
A normal person, the average consumer, with a run-of-the-mill IQ and the ability to think cognitively, would most likely deduce that upon entering a retail grocery store, where items are generally organized in similar groups, a bath pouf is going to be placed amongst 'bath' items - that is - you would not search amongst the pickles for a pouf. You would not ask the friendly florist for a a fresh pouf. And you would certainly never approach the meat department and ask for a pouf from the butcher. These types of actions would only provide you with pickled poufs, confused looks, and/or death by butcher knife.
Apparently, Safeway does not believe the average consumer is just average.
Safeway, at least, the Safeway located 3 blocks away from my residence, believes their shoppers are psychic detectives living vicariosuly in the shadow of Indiana Jones, with a sharp bloodlust for endless searches. Either that or they have hired the most exquisite marketing team the world has ever known to strategically place their poufs in the most mind-numbingly difficult to find location possible.
I scrambled from aisle to aisle, searching high and low for the elusive pouf and just as I was about to give up [because no man should ask for help finding his pouf] I saw in the distance, on the far side of the shopping lane, barely within view, a small tuft of meshed plastic, dangling like hope from a side-cap metal frame.
I practically sprinted to my goal and when I arrived, I stopped dead in my tracks and stared long and hard at the most absurdly wonderful product placement in the known universe....
I suppose it could make sense. I mean, I can't tell you how many times I have been showering, giving myself a little taint-exfoliation action, "mmmmmmm" and all of a sudden I'm like, "holy shit, I could really go for a nice, long bout of protected sexual intercourse right now...and maybe a mouthful of Mayo! I need to go to the store!"
Fucking Safeway.
Amazing.
Post Script: Anyone ever try the 'Twisters'?
Post Script Script: Anyone ever try the Mayo?
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