Bruce Banner Used The Bathroom Before Me

Humans never cease to amaze and amuse me. Their drive, passion, lust and even indifference, sends me into a flurry of contemplative wonder. At times, I am overwhelmed by their sheer genius or willful ignorance, captivated with their every thought, word and action as they struggle to survive.

I am in awe of their existence.

At the same time, I am thoroughly, without a doubt, one-hundred percent, undeniably repulsed with this plague of a species, wanting to vomit myself inside out with bitter disgust and relentless aversion.

You may be wondering, "Sean, what for upsets thee so?" to which I would reply, "Alas, humans doth upset me so, and I shall loathe their bones henceforth till the day I too decease, which if the Gods so will, shall be far past their terrible, meaningless existence, so that in my dying days I may see a new species take form on this humble rock, and know that there is hope for our great Earth."


Whilst 'taking care of business' in the gentle-man's room, I noticed an avulsion jutting out from the drab grey tile wall. It was dark in color and no smaller than an uncooked pea. From my location, approximately 1.06 meters away, I had difficulty defining a specific shape. The mysterious object did not withhold flat surfaces or sharp edges and yet was by no means a perfect sphere. One might have said it looked very similar to the pieces of space flotsam we affectionately call 'asteroids'.








Upon finishing said business, I stood to investigate the object of my curiosity. Kneeling down to allow my face a proper proximity for observance, I focused my eyes and steadied my breathing.


Silence.
I blinked twice.


More silence.
My head moves in, closer, lower.


My eyes widen.
My mouth drops.


Nestled comfortably against the bathroom wall was the largest, ugliest booger I have ever seen. Like something from a monster movie, this crusted glob of snot tore out from the level plane of tile like a darkened version of Superman's Fortress of Solitude. There were single nose hairs protruding from jagged folds, bits of skin embedded in shallow pockets, and remnants of pus and blood streaked across the porous surface. It was, by all means, the most revolting, stomach-churning, record-breaking, awesomest thing I have ever seen in my life!






Immediate Jealousy!


Whomever picked this one must have been storing it since birth! And to think that they somehow managed to launch this boogery behemoth some 3 feet away with enough force that it would defy gravity and adhere to the smooth tile!


A modern marvel! A new world wonder! A miracle of epic proportions!

Humans never cease to amaze and amuse me, but then...it doesn't take much.